ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A popular condom found earlier this week inside out and stuck to a local bus has won preselection for Clive Palmer’s controversial “United Australia Party”.

It is understood by The Advocate that Mr Palmer signed off on the preselection this afternoon, making the discarded contraceptive the official UAP candidate for the Maranoa at this year’s federal election.

Hoisting the condom, still dripping with some responsible teenager’s genetic material, high above his head today at the Lake Betoota Sailing Club, Clive told reporters that he’s confident the latex cock sock has what it takes to defeat the incumbent Nationals member, David Littleproud.

“Just a few days ago, this condom was inside a box, sitting on some supermarket shelf in Betoota,” said Mr Palmer.

“Then, he and his other condom brothers were stuffed down the pants of some forward thinking teen’s pants and walked right out of that supermarket. That’s the type of go-getter attitude my party needs,”

“To cap it all off, he was used for nearly a minute, then turned inside out and thrown against the roof of the bus. All without the driver batting an eyelid. Astounding.”

Clive then refused to answer any questions from the media as he proceeded to get a bit lost in the hallway of the Sailing Club.

A minder guided him to his car and they left.

More to come.


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