Upcoming Tame Impala LP Expected To Take Dark Turn After Freo’s Heartbreaking Finals Loss

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Two-bit music news websites with “sources Fremantle Dockers No. 1 ticket holder Kevin Parker” say fans should brace themselves for a “darker, more expletive-laden” Tame Impala record after Saturday night’s elimination final.

Parker, who was spotted at Optus Stadium in a club bomber jacket looking like a man attending both an execution and a festival, reportedly left the ground muttering “fuck Gold Coast” on a loop. Witnesses say the acclaimed psych-rocker slash producer then vowed to channel his pain into the band’s upcoming LP, tentatively retitled THIS IS FUCKED (FUCK GOLD COAST FUCKING CUNCE FUCK).

“It’s definitely going to be moodier than Currents,” said one Dockers fan who overheard Parker screaming into a scarf.

“Less ‘Let It Happen,’ more ‘Let Me Drive My Car Into A Powerpole.’ We’re talking seven-minute tracks of pure rage at David Swallow.”

Club officials say they fully support Parker’s artistic process, noting that his existing pump-up anthem for the team may now be remixed to feature 200% more distorted swearing.

“We are always grateful for the support,” said a Fremantle spokesperson.

“We can only hope this spurs him on to create the psych-pop-electro version of Planet Waves or whatever.”

Music critics suggest the new album could redefine the genre of psychedelic rock by merging it with the anguished howl of 57,000 Dockers fans leaving Optus in stunned silence.

As for the Gold Coast Suns, insiders report they’re quietly bracing for Parker to book a national tour that deliberately skips Ipswich-by-the-Beach.

“Expect ten-minute outros, zero hope, and a bassline that feels like watching the umpire pay a bullshit free in the dying seconds,” said one critic.

“This might be the most Fremantle album ever made.”

More to come.