ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
DESPITE BEING OLD ENOUGH to make his own decisions regarding bedtime, 27-year-old grader driver David Pott-Plant chooses to reject this bourgeois social construct and let a man in a possum costume tell him when to go to sleep.
The Parkes Shire Council employee, who is physically unable to breathe through his nose due to a tragic childhood accident involving a pool noodle and a catfish, Pott-Plant has been able to live a normal life, despite religiously going to bed after the news.
Close to 15 years ago, David’s parents told him that he was now old enough to go to bed when he felt – but ‘Dingo Dick Dave’ as his bullies at high school referred to him, wasn’t ready for that level of self-responsibility.
“I go to bed after Home & Away and it’s grouse,” he said. “My boss demands that I be at work at the crack of dawn – and this way, I’m never tired. I can drink as many mid-tins as I want and wake up feeling fresher than Derryn Hinch.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”
However, David’s father Dillpickle explained to The Advocate that he knew his son was going to turn out ‘a bit different.’
Referring to a 1997 incident where a young David spent an afternoon throwing rocks at passing traffic, which caused three serious accidents in the space of 15 minutes, Dillpickle said knew it’d be a miracle if his boy managed to avoid gaol by his 18th birthday.
“He was just laughing the whole time,” said Dillpickle. “He threw a river stone at the Manildra butcher heading home and the rock went right through the windscreen like it was made of crepe paper. It bounced off the bloke’s head like a squash ball and he just ceased to function.”
“The cruiser came to a stop in the table drain and the butcher got out and he was just fucked. He didn’t know where he was. Luckily for both him and David, he made a full recovery. He just has a hilarious and endearing lisp now,”
“Miracles happen.” he said.
This is a developing story.
With additional reporting from The Parkes Champion-Post.