“Thaeut’s Bullshuat!” Says Ben Stokes Watching Steve Smith Score A Ton For The History Books

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A New Zealander that history will largely forget watched Steve Smith score an Ashes century last night that will be remembered until civilisation ends.

Christchurch-native Ben Stokes and the Irish-led English Test team were all over the Australians on the first day of the first Test in Edgbaston.

With the help of the on-field umpires (one of which has been blowing a lot of blue smoke for a while; more than a sixth-hand Ozito whipper snipper that’s had less oil changes than a hairdresser’s Suzuki Swift), England got out to quite a commanding position early in the piece.

Though it took a while for the great man to get going, Steve finished his innings on 144. Unbeleiveable.

Looking on as he celebrated his century to a chorus of a boos from a rabble of weak-chinned and unwashed Midlanders, Ben Stokes could only utter one thing as he clapped his Todd Blackadder-sized South Island hands together.

“Thaet’s bulleshuat!” he said.

Equally as disappointed was English white ball captain, Eoin Morgan.

The Irishman shook his head as Smith took a bow while Justin Langer exhaled.

“Aw fook awf, Steve. Erryone knows you’re about as useful as a Kerry man with a hurley. Gerrup ow‘da! Prick.”

It’s unknown at this stage what any of the other players said in response to Smith scoring the greatest foreign tonne in recent memory.

More to come.