Sydney Boy Wedged Between Two Queensland FIFOs Has No Chance Of An Armrest

KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT

A silent battle is playing out 20,000 feet above Brisbane today, as a Sydney man experiences what it’s like to sit at the bottom of the masculine food chain.

On his way to Rockhampton for a sales conference, Marcus Merivale, a soft-handed man from Bondi, had just transferred planes in Brisbane when he realised the clientele on his next leg were nothing like the chums he’d toasted sandwiches with in the Sydney Qantas Lounge.

As he boarded his flight to Rocky, Marcus clocked that the plane was packed with some seriously big-boned Queenslanders, all sporting hi-vis and boots that hadn’t seen a wash since a fortnight ago.

Shuffling down the aisle with his Pierre Cardin leather briefcase, Marcus soon realised the next two hours in seat 13B was going to be hell, as his fellow passengers were two of the largest men he’d ever seen, blokes whose eyebrows were so thick, they made his pubes look like spider hairs.

“Sorry boys, I think this is me…” mumbled Marcus, awkwardly climbing into his seat.

Reaching for the sticky Qantas magazine and hoping to make an early claim on some armrest real estate, Marcus quickly realised the two behemoths weren’t going to shift an inch.

With both blokes already fast asleep two minutes before take off, Marcus didn’t dare attempt to move their suckling pig sized forearms, and instead just resigned to the fact he wasn’t willing to risk appearing on tonight’s news for making a scene on a plane.
“Hmmpfff” Marcus thought to himself, testy that he’d spend the next two hours with his hands hidden in his pockets.

“I guess I won’t even bother trying to get my laptop down, I’ll just listen to a podcast…”