Study Into Free Trade Deal With UK Concludes They Have Nothing We Actually Want Or Need

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

While the British Prime Minister continues to spruik the potential economic bonanza that awaits a post-Brexit Britain, a study into the proposed trade deal with Australia has yielded a different sentiment.

The study, conducted by the Diamantina Chamber of Commerce, has found that Britain doesn’t make anything Australians actually need or want.

On the inverse, there’s many things that Australia produces and exports that the Brits want to get their filthy little unwashed hands on.

“It’s a bit of a one-way street,” said DCC Chairman, Darcy Tuckwell.

“The only thing Britain really offers Australia is a constant supply with mediocre, largely inbred people to be used as unskilled labour. We’ve all seen those rolly-polly English blokes on their Australian odyssey, half rooted before 9 AM carrying a bucket of busted bricks from an upstairs shitter down to the skip bin,”

“Or you’ve got the token office pom. Huge underbite. Big St George Cross upon the pillar nearest their cubicle. Watercooler conversations about Everton and why David Warner is a bender. Aside from that, there’s really not that much else.”

More to come.