Study concludes men who can’t drive manual should be euthanised to prevent embarrassment

21 October, 2016. 17:03

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MARCUS DOLLARHIDE WAS OUT to dinner with his fiance’s parents on Sydney Upper North Shore when his future father-in-law loudly ordered another bottle of red after telling the 27-year-old that he’d be driving them home that evening.

As a meek young professional eager to please the husky Catholic father of his bride to be, Marcus smiled then nodded, complimented his dinner and ordered a virgin mojito.

However, things went awry when he was thrown the keys to the BMW M3 he’d be piloting back to the in-law’s Wahroonga home.

“My heart sank. I was the only sober one, nobody else could drive – well legally anyway,” recalled Dollarhide.

“I’ve never felt so emasculated in my life. I told her father that I couldn’t drive a manual and his red-stained lips curled up and he told me to chuck him the keys back. But I’m glad I did it, you shouldn’t expect a millennial from Melbourne like me to be able to drive a manual,”

“So there I was, squashed into the back seat of a German sports car being driven home by a semi-retired emerging markets specialist who’d just inhaled four bottles of Wolfblass over dinner. My fiance wouldn’t even look at me, I think she even called me a ‘faggot’ at one point when she was joking with her dad later on. I wanted to die.”

That’s just what a new study commissioned by the CSIRO has concluded – that young men who can’t drive a manual should be euthanised to prevent future embarrassment.

Only 33% of Gen Y drivers state they’re able to drive a vehicle fitted with a manual transmission – a fact that truly horrifies older road users.

More to come.