Staff Of Minor Party Senators Seen Cleaning Windscreens At Canberra Traffic Lights

21 March, 2016. 17:45

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MINOR PARTY STAFFERS HAVE been observed cleaning windscreens at traffic lights around Canberra today as the possibility of a double dissolution election becomes greater.

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced he will bring the budget forward a few days, sparking wild rumours that a double dissolution election is almost certain to take place on July 2.

After new electoral reforms were passed last week, it all but spells the end for minor parties in Australian politics.

Seen dressed in a tattered grey hoodie, one current policy advisor was seen cleaning windscreens at a set of Fyshwick traffic lights. Though his future looks bleak, he’s remaining chipper.

“If there’s a double dissolution election, staffers of minor party senators are fucked,”

“It’s about to get a lot harder for people like me,” he said. “I won’t even get a good reference out of the guy because most of the people in this country think he’s mentally ill.”

“But everything is going to be OK. I still have my health.”

Another shirtless media advisor was caught fishing coins out of The Canberra Times Fountain in Civic. It was the same staffer, who cannot be named for legal reasons, that was seen collecting plastic bottles and cans out of bins around ANU.

“They didn’t think about the staffers when they changed those laws,” he said, wiping dirty tears off his cheeks.

“They were only thinking about themselves.”