Spring In Full Force As Nations Nerds Begin Complaining About Being Sneezy

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

The nation has warmly welcomed the annual transition from winter to spring.

The new season brings warmer temperatures and sees a few lucky Aussies returning from their European excursions.

Unfortunately for hayfever sufferers, spring is a painful time where treacherous trees torture them.

In Melbourne, an allergy ridden city that also loves a good whinge, a large amount of cases have been reported due to the high population of London Plane trees which are one of the main culprits of hayfever.

The Advocate spoke with hayfever sufferer Sophia Banks who was eager to go on the record about the suffering her community faces each year.

“My eyes feel like they are one fire and my nose leaks more than a disgruntled backbencher. I wish I could just sit in the park on a sunny spring day without causing a scene.”

The Victorian Government has announced its intention to phase out London Plane trees, a decision that is warmly welcomed by this sneezy community.

“I’m a bleeding heart greeny and would usually be opposed to chopping down trees but in the case of the London Plane, I hope they chop down every last tree in the city.”

“They should replace them with those cum trees, I don’t mind if the streets of Melbourne smell like cum, as long as I can leave the house,” she said, resisting the urge to sneeze.

For now, those who suffer from ‘the big sneeze’ will just have to suck it up and fork out $15 for a ten pack of Telfast every couple of days.

And for the lucky people out there who have never experienced hayfever they’ll just have to patiently listen to their mates complain about pollen levels.

More to come.