‘Sessionable’ Just Craft Brewers Way Of Saying ‘You Can Drink Fuckloads Of This!’

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

In a trend that is startling VB drinkers across the country, more and more craft beer brewers are exploiting a legal loophole in the Alcohol Beverage Advertising Code (ABAC) by describing their beers as ‘sessionable.’

While it has long been acknowledged that craft beer is certainly the wankiest way to support local businesses, some just can’t seem to handle the sensation of burning your tongue clean off with the taste of hops, leading brewers to create mildly flavoured conconctions that can be drunk in succession (otherwise known as the invention of beer).

These less intense beers, usually containing about 1.5 standard drinks, have come to be known as Sessions Beers in a term that would confuse the shit out of 99% of Australian granddads.

Although no brewers have explicitly said so on their packaging, even the least discerning punter can figure out that because the beer’s flavours are less fruity and sweet – so you can definitely drink twice as much.

Predictably, Sessions Beers have become a fast moving style amongst drinkers who don’t mind cracking open a few (i.e. Australians) while all the stiff collars at the ABAC can only watch on in disgust and the nation enjoys a good old fashioned arvo on the piss.

“We’re not happy about this,” stated one ABAC spokesperson.

“We want people to drink responsibly but not that responsibly. Not in those amounts.”

However, local Betoota crafter brewer Banjo Clementè says the invention of beer that doesn’t taste like pickled passionfruit has been key to disrupted the major brewers.

“We too can brew beers that don’t require drinkers to think too much”

“Real sit on your arse all arvo beers”

MORE TO COME.