RFS Overhauls Fire Danger Warning System

FRANKIE DeGROOT | News | CONTACT

As conditions this summer point to potentially record-breakingly shitty conditions for bushfires, the RFS is looking to again overhaul its bushfire warning system to reflect the even greater threat posed by the changing climate.

“We probably should have put a bit more thought into the old system” admitted NSW RFS Acting Commissioner Rob Rogers.

“When the second-lowest level is High, it becomes a challenge finding and sorting words that imply ever-increasing levels of panic. We toyed around with “Shitstorm”, but we couldn’t use that because in some cultures Catastrophic is worse than a Shitstorm.”

“For a while, we were going to use “That time at Engadine McDonald’s in 1997, which is why the background colour is gross, but it was too big to fit on the sign.”

““NBN” did fit on the sign but when we took it to a focus group we found that people didn’t associate NBN with speed so it clearly wasn’t urgent enough.”

“Eventually, we settled on “Clusterfuck” after being inspired by the installation of Sydney’s light rail network.”

In a statement, Prime Minister Scott Morrison’s office said the new signage was “a great solution to a changing climate, which is not related in any way to climate change”.