Report: Ponytail man in Good Will Hunting bar scene would’ve been glassed in Australia

16 May, 2017. 10:23

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A detailed report into smart people running their smart mouths in licensed venues across Australia has revealed that blokes such as the ponytailed jerk from the Good Will Hunting bar scene would’ve simply been force-fed a schooner glass instead of being comprehensively destroyed academically.

The Royal Society of Hoteliers released the study earlier today, which used the famous scene as an example of what usually happens if a clever man with long hair decides to take on a bloke who’s from the wrong side of the train tracks.

“Most people who get glassed in this country are people who try to get smart around psychopaths,” he said.

“For example, if some houso boys strolled into a pub near a sandstone university and some long-haired git decided to try to humiliate them, chances are that smart man would end up worse off,”

“That scene in Good Will Hunting is a good example. That ponytail man would’ve been glassed, Will would’ve ended up in handcuffs and Skylar would’ve been drenched in blood. That’s what we do in Australia because we are savages without any real culture.”

More to come.