Report: Must Be A Good Day If Right-Wing Mate Is Having A Leftie Beer At The Beach

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

local man who just happens to fundamentally disagree with 90 per cent of this masthead’s online readership when it comes to monetary and social policy has enjoyed a leftoid lager down at the shores of Lake Betoota this afternoon.

Popping the top off a Stone & Wood Pacific Ale with a cigarette lighter, French Quarter finance worker Rob Illes remarked that the least oppressed people in the country are now white professional gay men that live in the City of Sydney council area. He raised his bottle to that.

The 35-year-old told those he was with, there were about 10, that those among them who didn’t own an apartment yet have little excuse now that the Albanese Government has made it easy for even the most worthless of employees to join the property ladder.

He shook his head and laughed.

“If you can’t service a mortgage on a one-bedder in Betoota Heights, you should have to forfeit your organs and hope they go to somebody who has a bit of go about them. Anyone who can’t save 5% to throw down on a $500k dogbox isn’t really trying,” he told the group.

“Seriously. Fuck, this is a shit beer, by the way. Do we have any beer for men?”

They ended up at the beach because it’s a lovely day across the Diamantina. Not too hot, not too cold. No wind.

Rob is the only ‘openly’ right-wing mate in this circle of friends from university. The only reason they haven’t cut him off is because it’s Queensland and we know what makes us different makes us better.

As he finished asking that question, one of his mates handed him a seltzer and said he should’ve looked after himself, like gone to the bottle shop and gotten himself some bog-standard missionary position lager like a Tooheys or something. Because he came empty-handed, he has to drink this leftie, sinful, reverse cowgirl beer that tastes like a hibiscus flower looks.

“Sorry mate, haven’t got any Boags,” said one male with visible tattoos and jewellery on his hands.

“Maybe you should’ve got some yourself instead of relying on your comrades to give you a beer.”

Rob laughed.

“You lefties just don’t get it, do you?”

More to come.