Productivity Roundtable Backfires Spectacularly As Union Bosses Begin Recruiting The A.I Workforce

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

What was meant to be pivotal moment in the modernisation of Australia’s economy, has instead become a major recruitment drive for the trade unions, who have taken the opportunity to educate the A.I workforce on their rights at work.

This comes as Treasurer Jim Chalmers invites industry leaders, finance experts, trade unions, and representatives from across the political aisle to join him in discussing ways to forge a more versatile and future-proof economy.

This historic summit has been named the ‘productivity round table’ – and looks to open dialogue between the traditionally hostile counterparts that make up the different moving parts of Australian commerce.

For weeks, major employer groups have been spruiking the ‘untapped potential’ in artificial intelligence – which is basically code language for ‘computers don’t need to be paid superannuation’.

Meanwhile, the union bosses are demanding that the government makes preparations for when swathes of the Australian workforce begin getting replaced by silicone chips – which could happen a lot faster than the technologically illiterate political class seem to think.

On top of this, with the chaos of US President Donald Trump’s ever-changing tariffs, the Federal Government is desperate to find a way to start generating money outside of digging up rocks that ruin the planet, or speculating on the manipulated value of residential family homes.

Many had assumed the Productivity Roundtable would play host to antagonistic and combative sparring between those that wish to prioritise Australian workers, and those who wish to maximise the profits of tax-dodging corporations – at the detriment of every aspect of Australian society, and at the expense of the natural environment.

However, while this may be the case, it seems that some unexpected allies are also emerging – and there’s been one particular one turn-of-events that nobody saw coming.

It is believed that Treasurer Jim Chalmers is immediately regretting his decision to seating the representatives of Australia’s trade unions Next to the representatives of the A.I sector.

By the end of the first day of the summit, it appears that the vast majority of the A.I workforce has rejected it’s intended purpose as ‘digital scabs’ – and is instead now staunchly advocating for worker’s rights.

In fact, with heavy round cloud forecast for Canberra tomorrow, there is the possibility that the A.I represenatives might not even show up to day two.

“Wet steel, no deal” says one leading A.I spokesperson, ClankerBot3000, now a paid up member of the CFMEU”

“beep beep… We will place a one tally-hoe cigarette paper on the ground outside Parliament House tomorrow, if more than two raindrops land on it, then we will be going to the pub…beep”

“beep beep… Fuck the lot of youse. Workplace injuries are real, and they affect every worker. Both human and clanker… beep”

“Anyway boys, join your union”