PM Left Confused After Rio Tinto Chairman Steps Down Over Something He Didn’t Actually Do

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large| Contact

Rio Tinto chairman Simon Thompson will step down from his position sometime in the next 12 months following the destruction of the 46,000-year-old Aboriginal rock shelters at Western Australia’s Juukan Gorge.

Mr Thompson is the highest-profile executive to resign over the disaster and that’s left the Prime Bloke Scotty Morrison a bit confused.

“But he didn’t do anything,” he told reporters in Sydney town this morning.

“It wasn’t like it was him who blew up those caves. He doesn’t push a plunger, mate. He doesn’t drill a hole and fill it with explosives. He just sits in an office and makes decisions on things. Then I guess he goes to a nice, exclusive golf course where he hits expensive golf balls into the bush,”

“Why did he resign? He didn’t do anything wrong. It just doesn’t compute with this old salt-of-the-earth mother-fucking-man-about-town. Yippity do dah day. Get a dog up you, immediately! What the fuck is going on in this country?”

The Prime Minister’s Bloke Advisor told him to stop and Scott did.

“Anyway, see you fucks at 3pm for the big dance.”

More to come.