“Plenty Of Positives” Says Blues Coach After Yet Another Awful Season

JASON BARRY | Victorian Leg Tennis | Contact

Carlton Blues Coach Michael Voss has looked on the bright side of life this week, it can be reported.

Fronting a media yesterday after a huge win against Essendon, an earnest Voss said that despite another season of underwhelming performances, there were “plenty of positives” ahead for the maligned club.

“We’re still in the Premiership window,” he remarked with genuine enthusiasm, “and we’re going to be here for many years to come.” He nodded proudly and failed to notice one of the reporters present cough-laughing at him under their breath.

In response to being asked just how on God’s green earth did he possibly think that the Blues were going to be in the Premiership window for ‘many years to come’, Vossy replied, “Because we’ve got some incredible young talent coming through.”

Our reporter waited for Voss to tell us he was joking, but he never did.

Unaware of any top-flight up and coming talent that Carlton has on their list, our man demanded specifics on exactly which young talent he was referring to.

Vossy’s smile lit up as though he had been waiting this whole time for someone to ask him that exact question. He promptly began counting the young talent off one hand.

“Jack Silvagni has just had a boy last year,” he raised up his thumb and pointed it at our team as if to say, ‘see there’s one young talent right there’.

Before the press pack could even comprehend what he was saying, Voss went on.

“Plus Cripps’ young one can’t be far off starting AusKick so there’s another one.”

A second finger was drawn up into our man’s face to really bring home his point. “Need I say more?” He asked rhetorically, thinking that what he had just said was justification enough to claim that the Blues’ future was in anyway something to get excited about.

The Advocate can confirm that it couldn’t believe what it was hearing.

But the earnest and sincere Coach was not done yet.

“We’ve recruited incredibly well over the last few years. Just take a look at our best 22 today. Between them, they’ve had something like 10 babies in the last 18 months so the Father-Son Rule is clearly going to be working in our favour about 18 years from now.”

The media present looked at each other with growing concern. However, Voss did not appear to notice. He was genuinely really excited about Carlton’s apparent long-term prospects.

“That, more than anything, fills me with confidence that our future is bright,” Voss said while booming with a sincerity that almost made our reporter weep.

While the Blues may not be playing finals this season, it is clear that the Club is heading in the right direction, or at least will be many years from now, according to their forward-thinking Coach.