Urban Planner Responsible For Prevalence Of London Plane Trees Charged With Historical Offences

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

The man behind Australia’s London Plane Tree nightmare is finally set to face the music.

Urban Planner Alfred Simmons (84) from Sydney’s Lower North Shore is being hauled before court this week, as authorities seek to press a raft of charges against the man.

The charges against the famous public spaces architect relate to the introduction of the famous London Plane Tree – aka the spore spreader.

Making up over 60% of trees in Melbourne’s inner city – the plants most well known for dropping seeds that fuck your throat, mouth and sinuses are common place all across the county.

Initially brought to Australia due to their extremely hardy nature and ability to survive London’s smog, Alfred Simmons has been identified as the man behind the smattering of the species.

“It’s up there with the introduction of the cane toad,” said the lead prosecutor on the case.

“Given the widespread impact on the nation’s mouth, nose and eyes, we’ve decided to take the landmark step of charging him with historic offences against the nation.”

“The gravity of these charges isn’t lost on us.”

Simmons was contacted for comment.

His lawyers said the charges are egregious and he isn’t fit to face court.

They will be seeking a dismissal.

More to come.