Only White Kid On The Footy Team Can Turn His OneFour Accent On And Off When He Needs To

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Betoota Ponds teenager, Alex Murphy is particularly interested in the rich culture of Tonga and Samoa, it has been confirmed.

While sounding like a run-of-the-mill Aussie kid when he is at home with his parents, Scott and Trace, Alex lives a completely different life when he is ‘in the trap’ – a term our reporters have come to learn means hanging out and shopping centres and being a lonely white boy on his football team (half-back).

“Oooh Bro. It’s skux” he says to our reporters, when describing his life as the only Palagi [white kid] in his social circle of Polynesians.

“Honest to Gee Oh Dee, Uce”

While his parents have only heard snippets of this identity crisis, his dad says there are probably worse kids he could be running around with.

“I mean, he’s playing pretty good footy and from what I know, most of those kids come from church-going families”

“I just worry he might be biting off more than he can chew. There is a good chance that by spending his formative years pretending to be a fair-skinned Maori, he might take it too far and have to spend the rest of his life living a lie”

However, Alex, also known as A-Dog on social media, says he is in touch with his maternal grandmother’s New Zealand ancestry.

“She was Pakeha but had Maori cousins, baaa”

“Who’ve you been talking to? Some of these opps gone missing”

MORE TO COME.