Old Cocky’s Technological Illiteracy The Only Thing Stopping Him From Becoming Totally Radicalised On Facebook

TRACEY BENDINGER | Society | Contact

You’ve heard of being your own worst enemy, but one local cocky has turned out to be his own best friend this afternoon, after once again evading the grips of a predatory algorithm that has claimed the minds of many of his fellow land dwellers.

“This fucken thing… it won’t let me click on this article” a frustrated Thomas Patton (70) said to his daughter who was visiting for the weekend.

It’s understood Patton was attempting to open a two-year-old Facebook post questioning whether Obama was secretly married to a man, but after three minutes of stabbing the screen he gave up, declared the device was “useless,” and went back to watching the horse races.

As frustrating as this might be, experts say Patton’s lack of digital skills may have saved him from a steep and rapid spiral towards total radicalisation.

“It always starts with a bit of ABC bashing,” explained one social media researcher. “But before you know it they’re buying gold bullion off Sky News ads and swearing that Jacinda Ardern is the Antichrist.”

At time of press, Patton was reportedly back on Facebook trying to share a weather forecast, but instead accidentally listed his sheepdog on Marketplace.

“Fucken thing!” is the last thing he was heard saying before throwing his iPad at the dog.

More to come.