ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

As the Roos and the Demons clashed yesterday, telescopic batons and the skulls of self-described sovereign citizens did also.

And as those anti-lockdown anti-mask protestors fitted in the gutter as their brains went through a full factory reset while the police officers reformatted their bodycams, a new rule in the AFL was causing just as much damage and controversy.

The new ‘holding the ball’ rule in AFL is the biggest issue Victoria is facing right now.

A small change to the rules where a player can be penalised for holding the ball, even if they’re not the ones with possession, is pushing the already-stressed Victorian people to breaking point.

It’s also got a number of South Australians and the Tusken people who occupy the westernmost third of the continent up in arms, too.

This masthead dialled severals ’03’ numbers at random this morning to canvas the Victorian population on this matter.

Panayoti (Peter) Agathangelou, of Cranbourne, said the new AFL rule is ‘fucked’ and ‘the worst thing to happen in the game’.

“Mate, how the fuck can you contest the ball now as an attacker?” he asked our reporter, who was born in Windhoek and raised in Hong Kong – and had their first exposure to AFL about a year ago.

“I don’t know,” said our reporter.

“Exactly, mate. It’s fucking bullshit! It’s fucked!”

Another respondent, who refused to identify themselves for the record, said he wasn’t aware of the new rule but asked The Advocate if they would like some heroin.

As Clancy is a recovering orange poppyseed cake addict, this masthead had to decline that offer.

More to come.


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