Nation’s Hot Chicks Graduate From Fruity Vapes To Korean Ciggies

PETE CLARK | Melbourne | CONTACT

A momentous shift is being felt across capital cities as the Nation’s hottest girlies collectively shift from strawberry- watermelon flavored vapes to Esse cigarettes.

This comes as the illicit tobacco market thrives in Australia, with the price of a pack of durries is reaching astonishingly low depths – some packs even coming in at under $10.

Betoota spoke with health minister Mark Butler about these recent developments.

“This is a very concerning shift for the hot girls of the Nation; by the end of my term I am striving to get these girlies off the Esses and onto pharmacy prescribed plain packaged vapes.”

“We’re losing massive amounts of revenue collection that is provided from the purchase of legal tobacco products.”

“But let me be clear, this has reinforced our party’s position that people only smash durries when they’re cheap as.”

Local hottie Melissa Clearwater (Betoota Grove), spoke to Betoota about the mood amongst the girlies.

“Vaping is cringe as it’s for High Schoolers. Smoking is back and we make no apologies for it. Have you seen that photo of Charli XCX smoking? Slay!”

Whilst the Government insists they are staunchly cracking down on the illicit tobacco market, this claim is at odds with what we’re seeing at pubs across the nation.

Young beautiful people are single handley reversing the gains Kevin Rudd made against the powerful tobacco industry.

Miss Clearwater has confirmed that plain packaging was originally a deterrent to smoking.

“Yuck! Those photos of feet and teeth were totally killing the vibe.”

More to come.