Melbourne Pubs Forced To Serve Beer In Strange And Unfamiliar Vessels As Queenslanders Roll Into Town

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Tens of thousands of Aussie Rules fans are descending on Melbourne today, as the nation prepares for yet another out-of-towner Grand Final.

Pilgrimages are currently taking place from the North and West of the Melbourne Cricket Ground, as Geelong Cats fans drive in from the Bellarine Peninsula, and the Brisbane Lions supporters fly down from Queensland.

The culture clash is expected to be less severe for the Geelong fanbase, aside from the obvious disrespect shown towards them by the inhabitants of the state’s capital.

Meanwhile, the Queenslanders are refusing to acknowledge that they are no longer in Queensland.

And after learning their lessons in 2023 and 2024, The Melbourne pubs have prepared themselves this time around.

“We’ve made sure we have ‘schooner glasses’ available” says Gertrude ‘Dirty’ Mile, bar manager of the Fitzroy Workers Club.

“Last year I served a round of pints to some Brisbane Lions fans and they froze with confusion”

However, the staff at Workies did point out that the Queenslanders aren’t complainers, and she was impressed by their problem solving skills.

“They ended up swiping a bunch of water glasses from the end of the bar and started pouring out of the pints like jugs”

While the Brisbane Lions fans are at least showing their respect to the history of their club by only staying and drinking in Fitzroy, it seems the restaurants and hotels in Melbourne’s inner-north are receiving some rather rare requests for dinner.,

“Do you know what a crumbed steak is?” asked one Brunswick street restauranteur.

“I didn’t. But money doesn’t seem to be a problem for these people”

“I basically had to batter a cut of wagyu with breadcrumbs – and they were fine with it. They told me to ‘fuck off the mustard’ and cook up some gravy from the sauces.”

“They really are quite agreeable people, our fellow Lions fans from up north”