Melbourne Man’s Eyes Roll Out Of His Skull Onto The Floor Listening To How Cold Sydney Is

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Just when he thought his life couldn’t get any worse, a Melbourne man’s eyes have rolled out of his skull and onto the floor this afternoon after he was forced to endure a phone call from his brother about how cold it is in Sydney.

If any of you care reading this, apparently it’s seasonably cold in Sydney right now which has given a number of news outlets and their readers some much-needed respite from all things virus.

But Mark Handley is that hospital near the park where there’s like twenty cricket grounds and on a Saturday, they’re all packed with people playing on them. For a Queenslander down there, it’s simply mind-boggling. Victorians sure do love their sport. Anyway, Mark is in that hospital near that park.

He’s there because he rolled his eyes so hard that his eyes rolled out of his head and onto the tasteful floorboards of his South Yarra apartment.

Mark’s brother Tim was explaining that it gets cold in Sydney sometimes, to which Mark said he wouldn’t know what cold is!

“It gets much colder in Melbourne than it does everywhere! Especially Sydney! God! He’s such an idiot,” he told our reporter via Skype.

“And my parents live in Noosa! As if they’d know cold!”

“Next thing you know, my eyes are on the floor and my dog is trying to eat them.”

More to come.