Local Man Young Enough To Appreciate Kids Drinking in The Park Without Being Old Enough To Be Annoyed By The Mess

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A local man came across the scene of some quite obvious underage drinking this morning and felt nothing but a knowing joy.

Because he is now 35-years-old and everything is at that point where it’s beginning to hurt for no reason, defence analyst Ralph Donaldson goes on morning walks before the family wake up.

It’s something that he finds works for him. Road running is too violent and swimming is for people who have too much time on their hands, either because they’re retired or childless. Or both.

Down by the creek in Green Park, Ralph explained to our reporter that he saw at least a dozen empty bottles of Fat Little Lamb, empty bottles of spirits and mixers. Beer cans. Chinese cigarettes. Evidence that some cans had been fashioned into crude bongs. Stripes of coloured vomit on the path. Bits of stomach lining and bile sprayed at high-velocity down the side of a tree. A shopping trolley in the creek. Someone’s hat and a two empty tubes of lip gloss.

“Ah, takes me back,” he said as he patted our reporter’s dog nearby to the scene.

“I remember telling my parents that I was staying over at a mate’s place to study, only to end up with alcohol poisoning in a playground. Lying on my back with the earth spinning under me. Looking at the shade cloth in the rain. Feeling both alive and dead simultaneously. Like I was in the hands of King Kong,”

“Feels like yesterday.”

Just as Ralph was recounting vingettes from Year 9, a breeding pair of grey-haired fools walked over the bridge’s footbridge and spied the scene.

“That is disgraceful,” said the lady.

The man nodded.

“Absolutely. I’m going to put this on Betoota Heights Name’n’Shame. Hold on.”

Our reporter and Ralph watched the lady taker her phone/wallet combo out of her parka jacket and take a picture of the scene. Which this masthead later took from the Facebook page to use in this article.

More to come.