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Local father of three Chris Richards has had to make the painstaking decision to drop his most timid son, Andrew (14), from the family’s backyard side, ahead of the arrival of the in-laws tomorrow afternoon.
“I didn’t want it to be this way – but as captain, coach and selector – it’s my duty to make sure we have the best side ready for when the cousins roll in from Queensland”
Chris says the decision to drop Andrew has been made on the grounds of his middle son’s infamous ‘rubber-arm’ and his recent lack of form when it comes to sledging.
“If it was any old neighbourhood match, I’d probably look the other way,”
“But there’ll be no electric wickie or one-hand-one-bounce come Friday,”
“The missus comes from a competitive cricketing family, and I’m not going to give them an inch,”
“The bottom line is, we can’t afford to have Andrew out there throwing pies,”
Fighting back tears this morning, Andrew Richards has stated he is yet to take the decision to his mother for a review – but says he understands how important the 25th of December is for his Dad and his uncles.
“I’m seeing a lot of Michael Clarke in my Dad in the lead up to Christmas Day – He needs to be 100% in control of what happens out there”
“I think the selectors should be separate from the side. Mum is perfectly capable of the job, but Dad won’t give it up”
While humble in his exclusion from the family side, Andrew says the ultimate insult came from learning that his nine-year-old sister, Kayla, was able to secure a spot over him.
“I just hope she can deliver on the day. My uncle Pete will be sending a fair bit of chin-music her way… and he won’t give a shit how old she is,”
In early July, Parramatta local Chris Richards shocked the entire neighbourhood with what one spectator described as a “frightening return to form” – taking seven wickets in just four overs on their 16 metre backyard pitch.
“I’ve lost a bit of weight since then. So yeah, I’m ready for a big hit out… I’ve just gotta go easy on the prawns” says the family patriarch.
“I just hope I can get her old man at the crease. I’ll be dipping them short… Ideally, i’ll be able to get one square in his ribs and fold the old prick over,”