Local Creep Will Miss Summer And The Bikini Facebook Photos That Come With It

22 March, 2016. 11:34

| Editor-at-large | Contact

BE CAREFUL OF WHO YOU connect with on social media, because one day, you could end up friending somebody like Dennis McGuvy.

He has his favourites, then he has the ones he’s saved to his external hard drive.

“Summer is truly a magical time for me,” said Dennis, breathing heavily.

“People don’t forget a face like mine, so if I’ve met you once and we’ve hooked up on Facebook, then I’ve already seen you in your swimsuit.”

It might come as news to many young women around the country that there’s men like Dennis McGuvy that wait patiently for summer to come each year. Not for the sun, not for the surf, but to see social media flooded with softcore pornography by the sea.

“Winter is shit. I don’t want to see you skiing or out to drinks in a jumper. That’s gross.”

With nearly a thousand Facebook friends and an external hard drive full of bikini pictures, Dennis says that even with almost a quarter of a terabyte of amateur smut, he’s only able to get through the long winter if girls he’s following travel to Europe.

“Mhhmm the travelling ladies. I doff my cap to them,” he said, looking out the window smiling.

Despite being labelled a creep by nearly everybody he confesses his secret hobby to, McGuvy has defended his actions.

“This only proves that I’m not a gay,” said the 21-year-old. “It’s normal to be attracted to the ladies.”

Police are urging anyone with information about Facebook creeps to call Crime Stoppers on 1800 333 000 or use the Crime Stoppers online reporting page: https://nsw.crimestoppers.com.au/

The information you provide will be treated in the strictest of confidence. We remind people they should NOT report crime information via our Facebook and Twitter pages.