ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Cricket Australia has launched an internal investigation this morning after selector Trevor Hohns had the side mirrors kicked off his rented Audi last night in Manchester.

One of the prime suspects, however, has told media this morning that he’s got ‘no idea’ who the culprit is.

Usman Khawaja was dropped from the squad heading into the Fourth Ashes Test at Old Trafford but he explained to reporters that he ‘knew it was coming’ and ‘has nobody to blame but himself for the axing’.

“I dunno guys, Manchester is a rough town. Oasis is from around here,” he said.

“But uh, yeah. No idea who kicked the mirrors off Trevor’s car. Terrible that it happened. I heard he didn’t opt to get the full coverage too from Hertz. Hmmmm, what’s the excess on these things? Like two-thousand pounds or something? Wow, that’s a lot of Australian pesos. What a shame,”

“Look, I’m looking forward to running the drinks and making sure Smudge’s Nintendo Switch is full charged for when we’re batting. Congratulations to Mitchell Starc, too, on getting the nod. Go get ’em you big old chip off the BJ block. Ok fellas, thanks.”

The Advocate reached out to Cricket Australia for comment but have yet to receive a reply.

Mr Hohns was also unavailable for comment, saying he’d make a statement once the investigation is over.


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