Guy That Uses A Brick Phone And Rejects Social Media Somehow The Most Informed Person You Know

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A local man, known throughout his entire social circle as the guy that uses a brick phone and refuses to engage in social media, is somehow also the most well informed person in his life.

Holden McDonald, a 28 year old man who hasn’t used social media since year 9 when he decided it wasn’t really for him has somehow reached the year 2025 still only using a brick phone.

“It works for me” shrugged Holden nonchalantly.

Blissfully detached from the endless churn of brain rot, misinformation, and political hysteria consuming everyone with a phone, Holden’s worldview is sustained almost entirely by the nightly news and small talk at work.

Many of Holden’s friends, whose daily screen time exceeds eight hours, accuse him of willful ignorance for rejecting smartphones and social media, yet the reality is precisely the opposite.

“He’s always saying he doesn’t need a phone to stay informed” said friend and self-proclaimed political commentator Brad Vickers (27), before confidently adding that “China banned rainbows last week” , a claim he saw on a TikTok that was later proven false within minutes.

Despite lacking apps, notifications, or a constant stream of algorithmic vomit, Holden somehow remains the only person in his group  who can accurately name who the Treasurer is.

Holden’s quiet disconnection from the online space seems to have left him with unusually clear and grounded view of the world.