Gout Gout’s Arrival On National Zeitgeist Complete As Central Queensland Cattleman Rings Neighbour To Talk About Him

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Teenage sprint sensation Gout Gout has cemented his place in the national zeitgeist after being discussed during the most sacred of rural rituals.

A phone call between neighbours about their cattle.

Central Queensland grazier Tim Coleman confirmed he rang his neighbour yesterday to let him know a few of his bullocks had found their way into his river paddock and were now awaiting collection in his yards. But witnesses say the livestock chat was just a smokescreen for the real purpose of the call. To talk about a 17 year old kid from Ipswich who can absolutely fucken shift.

“Yeah cob got a few of yours in here mate come grab them whenever, not worth me eating, either, you got better stuff than this,” Coleman was overheard saying.

“By the way you see that young fella Gout. Fuck he’s quick. Comes home like Tie the Knot, he does. He’s like bloody Winx, he is, but.”

The neighbour who asked not to be named confirmed the cattle retrieval was a convenient excuse.

“Honestly, Timmy could have just drafted them off in the paddock and poked them through that cocky’s gate but he wanted to yarn about Gout. He’s proper on the radar now. Once the blokes out here start dropping your name in between cattle movements you’ve made it.”

While Gout fell just short of the 200m final sociologists say he has now reached the highest honour Australia can bestow. Rural men who have not made a personal phone call since the GST now dialling each other up to marvel.

“Fuck he’s quick, but.”

More to come.