Goddamit: Local Woman Has Enough Snot To Keep Sniffing But Not Enough To Blow In Tissue 

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

An anxious woman has found herself in a bit of a predicament this morning, as the remnants of her cold have her producing enough snot to obnoxiously sniff every few minutes but not enough to blow into a tissue.

This comes as Rachel Lee, 28, returned to work today after having a few days off due to a cold.

Though Rachel reports feeling ‘remarkably better’, there’s still a residual sniffle she’s struggling to shake – much to the  annoyance of every coworker within ear shot who now has to listen to her snot travel its way up to her brain.

“Someone offered me a tissue which I know is just a polite way of saying ‘blow your fucking nose you fucking cretin’, explains Rachel, “but I can’t blow my nose because there’s not enough to blow. There’s only enough to sniff.”

“I’ve tried not sniffing for a while to see if it gives me more to blow, but then I blow and only a tiny bit comes out and it hurts, so I have to sniff again except this time it’s a bigger sniff.”

“Would people prefer to hear a frequent, small sniff, or an intermittent, bigger sniff that’s occasionally a bit guttural.”

“Which is the lesser of two evils?”

More to come.