Father’s Day Brownie Points Obliterated As Degenerate Reserve Grader Heads To Mad Mondy In A Tutu

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

A plumber from Betoota Heights has taken a metaphorical cheque to the bank today.

Bradley Fester (32) has done so by cashing in all of the brownie points accrued from father’s day and his birthday last week, and set off down to the Johval (Sir Joh Oval) for a big day in the sun.

The occasion is the one and only Betoota Dolphins Mad Monday celebrations – an annual event that sees the degenerates in the club take the first Monday of September off to empty the tank.

While there aren’t any premierships to celebrate, and all grades were bounced out of premiership contention before finals began, there is a general spirt of merrymaking around the grounds today.

And that’s something you don’t want to miss, according to Fester, who is already a couple of sheets to the wind at the time of press.

With elder statesmen of the club Errol Parker dishing out slugs of the red goon sack for some arbitrary fines, Fester explained to one of our other reporters that he wouldn’t miss this day for the world.

“Mate, Mad Mondays are a relic that needs to be preserved.”

“Hustle culture has tried to kill them.”

“The slow slide to Silly Sundays is not my bag.”

“You should be able to take a day off work to get as pissed as you want, to celebrate the camaraderie that comes with a team sport.”

“And your work should suck it up.”

“The kids are in daycare, my better half has agreed to pick them up and do dinner.”

“So I’m as free as I want to carry on like a pork chop until the sun goes down.”

“And then I can go home, fall asleep and wake up slow but steady tomorrow for work.”

“Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to envelope that ping pong ball with my foreskin and go and drop it in my mates drink.”

The interview then came to an abrupt end.

More to come.