Dubbo Man Blows Another Date By Taking A Swig Directly From Soy Sauce Bottle

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Dubbo man has revealed he ruined an “otherwise enjoyable” evening last week by drinking soy sauce directly from the bottle in front of someone he didn’t know that well.

Miles Hannigan, a local drilling contractor and Dubbo local, spoke candidly to The Advocate this morning about what he did last Thursday night at Sushi Suma on Rue de Glouton in the French Quarter.

The 34-year-old prefaced his recounting of events by saying it was the second “date” he and a local woman went on, but fears it might be the last.

“So, uh, I dunno if it’s a Dubbo thing, but whenever I go to Sushi Train or whatever, I just have a swig from the soy sauce bottle. I know it’s weird, and I try not to do it,” he said.

“Me and this girl had met up for a drink earlier this month, and we stayed in touch. She was saying she was going out for drinks with her mates last Thursday, so she said, ‘Meet me at this fucken sushi joint down the road and we’ll have some sushi or whatever before I go out on the tiles with my mates, you know might call you later if you’re not fucked in the head type of stuff,’ So I get off work, go back to camp, have a shower, put on my nice clothes, and head into town. She’s looking great, and I’m like, ‘Fuck me, watch me fuck this up,’ and I have a laugh to myself but within the confines of my own mind, you know.”

“So I sit down, and she’s all happy to see me. I dunno what came over me, but fuck me dead, I just said hi and watched my hand instantly reach out for the soy sauce. It was like a full out-of-body experience. I just went fucken pow, right in the gob, and took a big swig. A bit even dribbled down my chin onto my chinos for fuck’s sake. And in that moment, I was like, ‘Fuck me, what are you doing, cunt?’ Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her looking at me with this mix of shock, disappointment, and utter disdain, mate.”

“Needless to say, she was like, ‘Mate, did you just fucking drink from the Kikkoman’s? What the fuck was that?’ And guess what? All I fucken did was laugh and say, ‘Yeah, sorry.’ She was like, ‘Why?’ And I was like, ‘Sorry, I’m from Dubbo. Nothing like a stubby of de soy soy at knock off, right?’ I even did a fucking Jamaican accent when I said, ‘De soy soy.’ She just patted me on the back, got up, and was like, ‘Don’t fucken do that, hey? It’s bad for literally every one of your organs.’ She wanted confirmation of whether I was indeed fucked in the head or if I was just having a joke or something. But yeah, nah, I just nodded and said sorry.”

“So yeah mate, that’s about it. Tough out there for a single bloke, it is. Can’t believe it’s made the paper, hey.”

More to come.