Complete arsehole shamelessly buys coffee on debit card

16 May, 2016. 14:23

| Editor-at-large | Contact

AS ANY SMALL BUSINESS OWNER, barista or bar tender will tell you, whenever some poon hands you a credit card for a small dollar purchase, a tiny part of you wants to jump the counter and headbutt them until their eyes roll back into their head.

And then there are deplorable human beings like Simon Bannister.

Explaining casually to his friends over brunch, the Australian economy is quickly becoming a cashless one – and small businesses that rely heavily on cash for tax purposes need to start adapting.

“I know they hate me, I love it,” said the 41-year-old, who tells anybody who’ll listen that he’s 38.

“But why should I inconvenience myself and carry cash when I can keep track of my spending by just using my Debit MasterCard for every purchase I make?”

“Anyway, bar staff and baristas need to learn their place in society. Who are they to throw shade at me when I hand them a credit card for a $3.30 sale? Plus, I’ve just moved into a dodgy, but trendy suburb and carrying large amounts of money on me is just stupid, I could get mugged at any time, day or night.”

On the other side of the wage coin, many coffee makers and beer pourers have hit back at Mr Bannister’s comments, referring to people like him as “the leukaemia of the hospitality industry.”

Hotel all-rounder Sally Druck says it almost goes without saying that when you go to the pub or head out for a coffee, it’s just common courtesy to carry a bit of folding stuff.

“Oh yeah, it’s true all right. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve wanted to throw a jug of scalding hot milk over a loud and obnoxious patron who hands me a credit card for a small purchase, I’d have enough coin to buy this place,” she said.

“The worst people on Earth are the ones who hand you their card and say ‘Savings, please,’ I just don’t get it. Those people should be dragged out of cafes and shot in the street,”

“If you want to make a purchase for anything under $10, then use cash. For the love of God.”