Child That Doesn’t Behave Like The Photogenic Kids Of Instagram Influencers Must Have Autism And ADHD

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

Another pile of application forms have landed on the desk of an NDIS caseworker today, as Betoota Grove family decide that there must be a clinical explanation for their son being a little shit.

4-year-old Bodhi has never once behaved like the mild mannered and smiley kids in heavily staged Instagram photos that have been uploaded by their exploitative influencer parents.

He likes to play in dirt, and is prone to knocking over unstable household items. Even worse, he has a habit of randomly yelling the advertising jingles that he picks up from YouTube ads during his daily stints of unsupervised screen time.

Every time he gets dressed up in cute beige linen outfits, he ends up getting bright colours of texta ink all over himself.

His parents, Annelise and Joben, are sick of it. Not just that their son can’t sit still for five hours during a sunset soiree with their cool childless friends from Byron – but they are also frustrated by the fact that their life is harder than anyone else who decided to be a parent.

Luckily for them, there is an endless stream of online information that points to potential explanations for their son’s high-maintenance youthful exuberance.

But it’s not just answers they’ve looked to have affirmed by unqualified online commentators. They want medicine! And maybe a bit of funding too – if only the government would stop blatantly discriminating against them.

This isn’t the first time that Annelise has felt like she was robbed of the same euphoric social media milestones as the online influencers that she looks at for 14 hours of every day.

First it was her wedding. The pandemic robbed her of the endorphin hits that come with posting several photo dumps of a highly pinterested destination ceremony – complete with cute little umbrellas that Kim Kardashian and Kanye had.

Then, it was ‘So, we bought a house’ post. The 6 month settlement meant that the SOLD sign had been packed up well before Joben and Annelise moved in.

And now it’s Bodhi. The poor kid struggles daily with what his parents insist are clear signs of the cruel and heavily stigmatised conditions known as ADHD and autism (the type you have to tell people about).

“Hopefully we can get him some help” says Joben.

“We just need to find the right doctor. There is so much discrimination out there.”

Annelise agrees, according to the 16 Instagram stories so has posted over the last hour in her new role as an outspoken advocate for neurodivergent communities, complete with the ChatGPT em dash.

” — These conditions can be very under-diagnosed!” she says.