Chair-sniffing office drone wonders which tie will look best around his head for Melbourne Cup

31 October, 2016. 18:34

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TROY CAMBERWELL HASN’T HAD A cheeky Tuesday buzz on since last year’s Melbourne Cup, when on the following Thursday, he was forced to resign from his marketing managerial position at a mid-level boutique agency in a light-industrial-zoned suburb of South Sydney.

Not because he got a bit too pissed and gave a colleague a piece of his mind.

Not because he made a total cunt of himself in front of senior management – and not because he caused a scene.

The 52-year-old corporate ladder climber was forced to resign because he got blind enough to put his tie around his head and sniff the seats of all nine of his female co-workers – which was simply beyond the pale according to his former bosses.

Now working in a similar position on the other side of town, Camberwell says he’s planning to spend the rest of the afternoon picking out which tie he plans to have around his head by lunch tomorrow.

“I’ve made a promise to myself not to sniff any chairs this year,” said the Capricorn.

“But I will have my tie around my head at some point, which is a Melbourne Cup tradition of mine. It should be a great day, provided I can control myself.”

Troy’s advice is a warning to all, that getting too carried away at an office Melbourne Cup party and sniffing chairs can be quite detrimental to one’s future career ambitions.

It’s a stigma that stays with you for a lifetime, says Troy.

“I might have slipped up in the past, but I won’t let my serious character and personal flaws define me as a person.” he said.