ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Yesterday was fucked enough for Oscar Dodson and just when he though things couldn’t get any worse, the engine light came on.
The 25-year-old told The Advocate this morning that when his VE Commodore’s warning light started bonging at him at the lights yesterday afternoon, something broke inside him and he violently head-butted the steering wheel twice while a superior AU Falcon owner beside him could only laugh.
He cursed the ‘fucking thing’ and spent the afternoon googling the many, many defects and gremlins that live within a VE – all filled him with doom.
“I convinced myself it was the fucking timing chains,” he said.
“That would’ve eaten my tax return and then some. I had it booked into the garage on Monday and every. Fuck me swinging, I was wild when that light came on.”
However, it seems his car was listening to Oscar swear and bash the steering wheel.
He heard him quietly weeping in the drivers seat, asking God why he does these things to him. Wondering why he didn’t just do what his father told him to do and buy an old AU Falcon from a retiree who’s only showed it love. Instead, he bought a fucking VE Commodore like a fucking dumb cunt.
Just when he was ready to drive it down to the Flightpath District to throw a match in the fucking thing, the VE saved it’s skin by deciding to turn the engine light off.
“I even had the jerrycan of E10 ready to go,” he said.
“My cousin showed me how to start it with a flathead screwdriver and a hammer. Had a facemask, too, in case there were cameras,”
“Then the light turned off. Fuck me. I’m sold on Holdens for the rest of my life, bro. No better car. What an absolute fucking win. I’m going to throw a few schooners of neck oil down my throat this afternoon to celebrate,”
“I’ve fucken earned it.”
More to come.