Brunswick Coles Forced To Stock Baked Beans And Two Minute Noodles For First Time Since 1999

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT

Barkly Square Coles in Brunswick has been hit from all sides today.

With the panic buying in full swing and their aisles cleaned out of things like toilet paper, non-perishables and bottled water, managers at the store have had to deal with a new problem.

How the fuck do they order more pasta, noodles and normal ‘high salt’ baked beans.

The issue has reared its ugly head after the store sold out of the wheat and processed products for the first time since the turn of the millennium.

“I’m not sure who the stock rep is, I’m not sure where we order more, I can’t find it in the system,” said the stressed-out day manager a short time ago.

“On top of the customers bickering with each other and the staff, because they are freaking out about the virus, we’ve now got to figure out where we can source more of this stuff that no one around here used to eat because it kills them.”

“Weird, I mean these are the type of people who’ll demand a new meal if a shred of gluten finds its way into their breakfast Shakshuka, but now all of a sudden they are buying all these products.”

“I guess it isn’t that much of a condition then.”

“Weird.”