Bloke on the Indian Pacific confirms Adelaide more boring than Nullarbor Plain

13 December, 2016. 17:43

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SPEAKING TO THE ADVOCATE via satellite phone, retired traveller Michael Hoskins told our reporters that the endless monotony of the Nullarbor Plain is slowly killing him and wasting sweet little time he has left on the planet – but that pales in comparison to what was on offer in Adelaide.

Over the weekend, the Indian-Pacific rolled into the South Australian capital with its precious cargo of the living dead, with each of them looking to ‘spend the kids inheritance’ on snowglobes and whatnot.

However, the 71-year-old former anaesthetist doesn’t share the same lust for the unknown like his other ‘Platinum Class’ passengers his wife has forced him to interact with over the past four days have.

“Adelaide was by far the worst. They organise these ‘experiences’ at every stop but they don’t serve any piss and everybody is so old,” he explained as he discretely enjoyed a Peter Stuyvesant in the shower.

“You can’t even smoke on this fucking train. There’s ten of us who have to cram into the bathroom and blow the smoke through the steam exhaust fans like we’re schoolboys. But anyway, mate, when we got to Adelaide, they piled us onto this fucking minibus and drove us around like we’re invalids”

“At least on the Nullarbor, I can just stay in my room and read. Every cunt on this train wants to talk to you and tell you about them. Cunt, I don’t care about you. Just let me eat my steak dinner in peace. But yeah mate, back to what I was saying. Adelaide is a dump.”

More to come.