Bloke Going Round With Bag Unzipped Clearly Went To A Nice School

LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT

A Betoota man outed himself as well-to-do today by walking around the Old City District with his backpack unzipped.

The local Senior Accounts Manager Bryce Howard-Knolls (22) went for a walk in the suburb he helped gentrify with his own two hands, his backpack completely unzipped leaving his valuables, and upbringing, completely exposed.

Witnesses report seeing Howard-Knolls walking around his office block, talking loudly about how good his vegan banh mi was earlier as his laptop, wallet and Tesla keys jangled visibly in his open backpack.

Locals who spotted Howard-Knolls stated two things about him were immediately obvious; he clearly went to a nice school and definitely refers to his dad as ‘father’.

“If you had done that at my school mate, you’d’ve gone to get your shit later and found a dead bird in there,” stated one local who was only able to keep his community housing by referring to it as a ‘pop-up store’.

“And if we really hated you, it would have been a live one.”

Howard-Knolls however rejects the idea that he was privately educated as his school ‘received way more public funding than the povo ones’.

MORE TO COME.