Apple Continues To Ignore Why Their Sales Are Stagnating

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With sales of the once game-changing iPhone continuing to plateau, the Apple community continues to search for why on earth their products no longer have the same impact as they once had.

“We are absolutely floored on what possibly could be the reason for this” said the Apple engineer who decided to get rid of the AUX cord port.

Leaders of the tech giant gathered in Cupertino, California, earlier this month in an attempt to identify what could possibly be the reason for the slump in enthusiasm.

“I just know it’s because we aren’t pushing subscription-based iCloud storage onto them hard enough” said a leading marketing head for Apple.

The conference, which saw industry leaders from all corners of the globe assemble to discuss the future of the company, made some serious headway.

“We think we know how to fix this” said a frantic Kevan Parekh, CFO of Apple.

“A zero-storage, ultra-slim, subscription-based iPhone that can only communicate with other iPhones” explained the CFO.

“It’s foolproof!”

The conference was applauded by industry observers as a correct step in the right direction.

“Wow, another home run from Apple. I was blown away when I was forced to upgrade to Bluetooth headphones years ago, I really didn’t think they would be able to top that” said one of those last few people that still lines up at the Apple Store on release day like it’s 2011.