American Man Finally Gets A Job With Decent Health Insurance

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | CONTACT

An American has finally gotten a job that has fully comprehensive, universal health insurance, by leaving the country altogether and ascending to popehood, it’s reported.

Robert Francis Prevost, a cardinal from Chicago, will be the first ever pope to come from a country that has cookies for cereal.

Francis’s move to Vatican City marks a major upgrade, not just in ecclesiastical influence but in general wellbeing, as sources close to the new pope say he’s already booked appointments for a physical, a skin check, and a long-postponed MRI “just to be safe.”

The poor state of US healthcare insurance was put under the spotlight last year, when Maryland resident, Luigi Mangione was accused of murdering United Healthcare CEO, Brian Thompson.

Under Thompson’s leadership, UHC’s profits increased from $12 billion in 2021 to $16 billion in 2023, and his total annual compensation was $10.2 million.

The alleged motivation for the murder was in retaliation to the US healthcare insurance system, which requires working class people to pay up to $8,000 a year for basic coverage.

However, health insurance claims can often be denied, resulting in many working class Americans being forced into bankruptcy over minor medical procedures.

The company Thompson worked for is known as the worst healthcare insurance company in the US, having an alleged 32% denial rate – or one in three claims.

Pam Bondi, the current US attorney general who led the charge against Obamacare, a proposed act that would have given people access to affordable health insurance, is seeking the death penalty for Mangione.

The US does, however offer medicare to residents over the age of 65 – because as usual, young people are expected to foot the bill to benefit boomers.

However, that too, isn’t entirely comprehensive.

But luckily, Francis will no longer have to worry about facing bankruptcy over a medical procedures more complex than a hip replacement.

More to come.