Townsville Teenage Banned From Bragging On Snapchat About The Landcruiser He's Going To Steal Tonight

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A North Queensland teenager has been sensationally banned from bragging on Snapchat about the alleged car theft he plans to commit this evening with his friends.

Spencer Kelly, a 15-year-old student with a 45% attendance rate at his local high school, told The Advocate that the sharp spearhead of Albo's social media ban found him this morning when he tried, and failed, to log into his Snapchat.

He explained the mild shock and inconvenience of it.

"I had to verify my age to access my back up account," he said.

"Which I was able to do by scrunching my face up. My mate just held the phone to his Dad's face and it worked. A bit of a pain in the arse but we're back on."

However, Kelly was surprised to learn that it's now unlawful for him to use the popular social media platform.

"You mean if I film myself and my mates stealing some fat old cunt's Landcruiser tonight, I can get in trouble?"

"Wow. I hadn't considered that."

Kelly and his friends had already picked out a soft target. A 65-year-old man who recently returned from doing a lap of Australia dragging a caravan. The 200-series Sahara wasn't even protected by a gate, making it the ideal target.

"We were planning on breaking in through a window, giving the bloke the chance to give up his keys or get a life-shortening hiding from us all. Laugh when he begs us not to torch it or drown it, that to just leave it somewhere with the keys in it once we're done with it, that they don't make 200-series Saharas anymore and that the new 300s aren't as good because they've gone all woke with their gay 3.3-litre twin-turbo V6 instead of the big V8,"

"We might even do that for the old bastard. He seems nice enough but I'm genuinely shocked that we can't brag about it on Snapchat. And that if we get caught doing it, we might get in trouble with the court system. That's fucked."

The Advocate reached out to the Prime Minister's Office for comment but were told to wait for tomorrow's strategy meeting.

More to come.