Town Welcomes New Place For Local Arseholes To Buy A Car

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Our bustling inland metropolis has welcomed her first BMW dealership today after the German carmaker opened its doors in Betoota Heights this morning.

Betoota’s growing population of arseholes rejoiced especially at the news, as they now have more options in what they drive.

For a generation, the fuckwits, arseholes, wankers and bourgeois pigs of our town were forced to haul their sickly, corpse-like bodies around in vehicles largely unsuited for their inflated sense of self-worth.

From the Jeep Grand Cherokee to the Land Rover Discovery, the options were few and far between.

However, that’s all about to change, according to a local golfer that moonlights as an orthodontist to support his fairway addiction.

Betoota Grove oral professional, Greg Tearman, spoke briefly to The Advocate at the opening of the new BMW showroom in Betoota Heights and what he had to say was barely worth the data it occupied on our reporter’s voice recorder.

“I’m going to get an M3,” said the burst colostomy bag of a human being.

“No wait, can you get an X6 in matte black or do you have to take it to a panel beater? That’d look sick,”

“Fuck it, I might get them both. Something for my fucking wife to take the kids to school in and something for Daddy to have a little fun it.”

Our reporter excused himself to use men’s room, where he proceeded to reverse kanga the only toilet before letting himself out the back.

More to come.