Tool Fans Section Off Their Own VIP Area Ahead Of Good Things Festival

EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact

In news that should come as no surprise to anyone, it can be confirmed that Tool fans have already begun sectioning off their own VIP area ahead of attending ‘Good Things Festival’ in Melbourne tonight, under the belief they are far too smart and too cultured to mingle with the rest of the crowd.

Knocking off work early to find a grassy knoll near the Flemington showgrounds where the event will be taking place, Brunswick local Zac Brennen, 40, says he’s assembled a large pack of Tool fans to have their own ‘gentlemen’s preliminary gathering’ (pre drinks) ahead of the main act tonight.

Unfortunately as Zac has quickly found, it seems even Tool fans find other Tool fans insufferable.

This comes as the horde of balding and bearded men could be heard arguing over Tool’s best songs as they sipped on their craft beers, while blaring the Ænima album on the UE Boom.

“Oh, ahaha, WOW, really, you think Schism is the best Tool song? Ummmm tell me you’re new to Tool, without telling me you’re new to Tool haha. Way to have the common opinion bro”, scoffed one bloke, adorned in the classic black Tool shirt that every other guy was wearing, “everyone knows it’s Reflection.”

“Umm ACTUALLY, it’s Rosetta Stoned you uncultured swine”, chortled another, as he swirled a glass of whiskey on the rocks, “but I bet you’ve probably not even heard of that.”

At the time of print, it can be confirmed that the blokes did eventually take a break from talking about Tool to trade their favourite Bill Hicks quotes, before they were all seen forming a fibonacci sequence and spiralling their way towards the main stage.

More to come.