Local Dad Agrees They Just Don’t Make Cricketers Like Jeff Thomson Anymore

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Despite a comprehensive victory over the West Indies by an innings and 212 runs before tea on day three of the first Test in Hobart, local dad, John Pinnington says no current Australian cricketer is as talented, tough and as likeable as the 1970’s pace bowler Jeff Thomson.

“You lot wouldn’t know. When Lillee and Thommo were playing… It was a different game,” says the retired bricklayer.

“These little fairies wouldn’t know a real cricketer if he hit their chin at 166 kilometres per hour,”

With his sons visiting the family home over Christmas, Mr Pinnington has taken every opportunity possible to remind his children that Australian men are increasingly “soft”.

“It all started with Watson. Anyone who puts that much time into their hair isn’t taking their role seriously as an Australian cricketer,”

“Whatever happened to the mullet? Thommo knew a good haircut,”

As a former 2nd-grade cricketer from the Diamantina Shire, “Pinno” often goes as far as saying that even he would have been a better cricketer than the recently retired Australian captain, Michael Clarke.

“He was more caught up on his supermodel girlfriends and tattoos. Mate, in our day we would work 50 hour weeks and still leave the pub on Saturday night with straight tens,”

“I wouldn’t have looked twice at Lara Bingle in my day, she’s nothing compared your mother in her prime,”

“Thommo was a true cricketer, he made Rod Marsh’s fingers look like fucking twisties,”

“You blokes would never understand. The toughest bloke you’ve seen play is Mitchell Johnson… He’s a male nurse compared to Thommo,”

As Mr Pinnington’s rant continues to grow more aggressive and critical, his oldest son, Jeff, is forced to pull him into line and tell him to “give it a rest” – as his criticisms of Generation Y begin to borderline blatant homophobia.

“Homophobic!? I’m not fuckin’ homophobic. Back in my day the gays were ten times tougher than any of these little soft cocks running around in Armani suits,”

“Ian Roberts would smash that little Klemmer poof any day of the week,”