Teals And Independents Begin The Transformation Into Career Politicians As Liberals Scrap Net-Zero

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The ever-growing cross-bench of Teals, Independents and climate-focused minor parties have this week been given permission to get reallllly comfy.

This comes as the Federal Liberal Party made the decision to go against the advice of literally every political analyst, economist and scientist in Australia.

By scrapping their commitment to Net-Zero Carbon Emissions by 2050, the Federal Opposition has also gone against the wishes of their colleagues at a state level - many of whom are also in Opposition - and will likely be there for another decade given the stink that is coming from Canberra.

The only states and territories in the country that are currently held by the Coalition are Tasmania, the Northern Territory and Queensland - all of which appear to have a much closer relationship with Prime Minister Albanese than they do with Sussan Ley.

On top of that, The Federal Opposition appears torn over whether or not they even want to remain committed to the Paris Agreement, or if they'd win more votes by demonising 'The UN' and 'The French'.

It is not known where the Liberals got this extremist idea from, but it is likely due to their extreme detachment from the Australian public - with all of their insights coming from a branch membership base made up of 80-year-old suburban property millionaires whose brains have been fucked by too much Sky News and Facebook.

Many view this backwards slide towards unelectable brain-rot politics as a desperate attempt for Sussan Ley to secure her leadership in a party that is being rocked by internal divisions caused by ambitious young men who are deeply uncomfortable about taking orders from a woman.

Meanwhile, the decision to scrap Net-Zero has only cemented the Teal and Independents who have snatched over ten of the Liberal's blue-ribbon urban electorates over the last two elections, simply by campaigning against the one thing that the Coalition has this week decided to double down on.

Overnight, Senator David Pocock put on 55 kilograms, as he begins to relax into his long-term position as a long-lunching career politician.

Monique Ryan MP has reportedly developed a penchant for Penfold's Grange - the ultimate gift for an Australian politician.

Allegra Spender has reportedly skipped the last week of Parliament and is on holidays with her family in Hawaii - with her phone turned off.

This transformation into long-term stalwarts of Federal Politics couldn't have happened at a better time for the cross-bench, with the Ashes set to start next week - and plenty of corporate boxes on offer for the Federal MPs and Senators who actually hold power in Parliament.