Tasmania To Kill Two Birds By Repurposing Diseased Salmon Pen Into New Football Stadium

CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT

With a state election around the corner, and a government in caretaker mode – Tasmanian voters are ready to finally put to bed several political issues that have been plaguing the Apple Isle for years now.

The snap July 19 election comes just 16 months after Tasmanians last went to the ballot. However, the government has been riddled with  mayhem and dysfunction.

First and foremost. This cursed Hobart stadium. How will they pay for it? And do voters even want it.

With the worsening state budget even starting to become a topic of conversation amongst completely apolitical citizens, the stadium has become somewhat of a political band-aid. It either needs to be pulled off quick – or ignored until it disappears.

With a predominantly low socio-economic population, the cost-of-living crisis continues to cause hell for Tasmanians – with many voters proudly claiming they could not give less of a fuck about the AFL’s hastily executed expansion across the Bass Strait.

Recent door knocking polls show that the costs of Hobart stadium ranks as one of the major concerns of Tasmanian voters, as the state rotates between a number of different developers with ever-changing quotes.

But as expected, the Tasmanians have made it clear that their environmentalist tendencies will not be compromised.

The Salmon Wars continue to wage in Tassie, as a quarter of the population fight to keep aquaculture jobs safe, and the rest of the population demands that this stinky and diseased industry fucks off for good.

However, a recent proposal from the Tasmanian has provided a way for the State Government to kill two birds with one stone.

The relocation of a severely diseased and unethical salmon pen, into the Macquarie Point stadium site might just provide Parliament with the shortcuts it needs to accelerate this costly project.

Speaking to the Betoota Advocate, a spokesperson from the Tassie Greens says that they understand they also need to be electable on top of being morally right – and sacrificing sport is far less popular than sacrificing the salmon farming industry.

“These pens are the same size as a footy stadium anyway” said the spokesperson.

“I feel like this isn’t a left or right issue. Let’s just replace the sickly fish with equally expendable young footballers”