Shirvo Shifts Nervously On Sunrise Couch As Story Of Penis Doping At Winter Olympics Emerges
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT Sunrise Star Matt 'Shirvo' Shirvington has this week found himself awkwardly fumbling his way
The Nation
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Local Dad Confirms Pre-Christmas Test Ham Is Performing Perfectly
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Betoota Heights sexagenarian has confirmed his pre-Christmas test ham is performing as predicted and will
Mum And Dad Start Asking Again Whether They Should Be Buying Some Crypto
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The crypto craze is officially back, it can be confirmed today. The confirmation came over the
Auntie Pops Into Kmart To Buy Hunk Of Toxic Plastic That Nephew Will Play With For Five Minutes
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact A local woman in need of a last minute gift for her nephew’s birthday has
Local 14-Year-Old Plans To Vote For Trump At Next Election After Being Utterly Betrayed By Labor Social Media Ban
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact A Year 8 student at Green Road State School in Betoota Heights says the Prime Minister’
Local Renter Unsure If It’s The Lead Paint Exposure, Asbestos Or Plastic Chemicals That’ll Get Him In The End
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact A local renter, who was not born between 1955-1980, and therefore must spend the entire duration
Australia Reaffirms Its Inflated Sense Of Self And Implements World First Social Media Ban
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact Australian politicians are patting themselves on the back today, after achieving greatness once again. That’s
Local Woman Nails ‘Focused Employee’ Look While Online Shopping During Meeting
CONSTANCE RIVERA | Grievances | CONTACT In a masterclass of corporate camouflage, a local woman has nailed the ‘focused employee’ look, flawlessly
Underpaid Nurse Mum And Gambling Addict Dad In Rental At Least Relieved Their Kid Is Banned From Snapchat
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact A pair of rapidly ageing parents are today breathing a huge sigh of relief. The source
Kim Williams Tries To Repair Relationship With Rogan By Calling For 7:30 Investigation Into How Strong Gorillas Are
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact The Chair of the Australian Broadcasting Corporation has this evening moved to show how agile and
Report Finds Huge Numbers Of Australian Millennials Suffering CTE From Childhood Hulk Hand Toys
MONTY BENFICA | Amusements | CONTACT A shocking report has revealed that thousands of millennials now suffer from CTE after being punched
ABC Chairman Admits He Was Wrong About Joe Rogan After Receiving Rational And Measured Feedback From Men On The Internet
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | Contact ABC Chairman Kim Wilson has received vast amount of helpful and interesting correspondence from random men
Australian Government Promises That Letting People Massively Overborrow On Mortgages Won’t Turn Out Like Last Time
EFFIE BATEMAN | Lifestyle | Contact In some heartwarming news, the Labor government has promised their new ‘Help to Buy’ scheme will