Report: Will You Shut Up You Stupid Leftie He Might Keep The Subs We Paid For Now FFS

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A seasoned reporter from the Australian Broadcasting Corporation, who should really know better, has really put the nation in the shit overnight by putting the dog up President Donald Trump about him getting up to no good while in office.

Speaking to Trump on the White House lawn, the ABC’s John Lyons asked the President why he’s so rich and how much cashola he’s printing while being the leader of the free world.

“Yeah g’day Don mate,” Lyons began.

“True so I got two questions for you champ-yon. Why you so rich and yeah like have you been a dodgy [derogatory term redacted by legal] while you have been in office which has made you even richer? Oi, are you even listening to me, [derogatory term redacted by legal]?”

Taken aback by the question, the President asked him where he was from.

“Down Under, cob. I’m from the ABC.”

Trump’s lip curled and replied in short that Prime Minister Anthony Overeasy [sic] was about to come over for a sleep over and that questions like this will make that sleepover more unpleasant.

As the fallout from the impolite exchange continues to softly land across this nation like tiny bits of uranium spreading over Europe in the weeks after Chernobyl, a report has been commissioned to interrogate the damage that the chastising may have.

“We think he might keep the subs we’ve put a deposit down on now,” said one analyst.

“Which’d fuck us. You know. We, as a nation, aren’t in the business of being treated like some sort of Haymarket Lime Bike by the US Government. If they keep our new subs, we’ll have to buy some new ones from someone else, by which time we’ll be getting the fucking Otway off it’s plinth in Holbrook and sending up to sink Chinese frigates!”

“Even the bloody Vampire in Wingham isn’t safe. We’ll be needed that too at this rate!”

The Advocate reached out to our parent company, the ABC, for comment but we’re told to come back in 10-14 business days like every other public service on this God-forsaken island.

More to come.