KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
The producers at Fox Sports are believed to be working overtime this week, as they attempt to pull together a whole week of fact based NRL content.
After spending the entire season fuelling unsubstantiated rumours and concocting hypothetical storylines like the producers of Love Island, The Advocate understands Fox Sports’ most click-baity TV program, NRL 360, is planning a daring week of actual game analysis.
Leading the charge from his stool on the NRL 360 desk, producers have reportedly given rugby league intellectual Paul ‘One Match’ Kent full control of the panel discussions, given the fact he had a glittering first grade career that included one single game of football for Parramatta sometime in the late 80’s.
Joined at the desk by two of the NRL’s brightest minds, Buzz ‘Lap Dance’ Rothfield and Paul ‘Thunderbirds’ Crawley, producers say they’re hoping to inspire a week of NRL inspired TED talks, that investigate the strategies in play for this weekend’s Grand Final.
Sharing a vape with a TV producer in the loading dock, The Advocate was surprised to learn that despite all efforts to scrub up the commentary team, the show has been struggling to make the program appear like anything more than a live broadcast of a bunch of degenerate gamblers debating how to invest their last dollar on the dishlickers at a coastal Golf Club TAB.
“This week we’re trying hard to make the show about the actual game, but it’s difficult when we’ve got Kenty, Buzz and Ray Hadley from Wish on the panel,” said the stressed producer.
“I tried to suggest we just let Cooper Cronk and James Graham take the reins this week and talk actual game tactics, but the higher ups said real NRL analysis is bad for business, and by business they mean social media click bait.”
“Anyway I just got a text that a Manly player didn’t wave to Des Hasler at the Balgowlah Woolworths, so I’ve gotta go brief Kenty on how we can manufacture it into a ‘club in crisis’ headline.”
“Also do you know if there’s any Aboriginal players in these two Grand Final teams. We need to create some more ‘sooks’ now that the Rabbitohs have been booted”
“I spose we can always start speculating about the religious practices of Polynesians… I’m sure we’ll be alright”
More to come.